10.8.14 all your secrets come out when you’re dead

IMG_2740.JPG My mom and I spent the morning packing up stuff in my dad’s apartment. Maybe this is a regular thing to discover after a death, but there’s so much of my dad that I’m realizing he kept from me. Photo albums of romantic trips to Venice, letters, birthday card jokes, the context of which I don’t understand. It makes me sad. We were so close, but I wish I understood him better. I wish he knew that I wanted to know these things about him. Maybe he’d still be here.

My mom found this ring in it’s gift bag in a drawer. Who was it for? Not me, his one daughter. He gave me bracelets, as you all know. It’s so heavy on my finger right now. Typing this is awkward. The ring is amber in silver. It’s mine now. But what do I do with it? What do I do with all of this stuff? My car is loaded with his coffee table books to sell at Green Apple Books after work today. What compelled him to buy so many damn coffee books? If there’s a lesson from this morning it’s that nobody need ever buy coffee table books and that dying reveals secrets but creates questions.

My bangles are the North Africanish bangle, Brazil, Clic Clac Orange and Clic Clac Cream.

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5 thoughts on “10.8.14 all your secrets come out when you’re dead

  1. Bangles are splendid as usual but your RING! That ring!

    That’s odd I was thinking of something similar. My Father is still here, and I’m so sorry you lost your Dad, but I don’t know him much, I do but I don’t & he’s not a talker and very grumpy. I was brainstorming ways to get him to tell me details from his history without realizing it, if that makes sense because I’m worried that when he’s gone I’ll just never find out more. So strange. Probably not the most fun topic for you to share with us but in a way it does make me want to try harder and figure something so thanks for that.

  2. I definitely recommend trying some more because the brutal thing is that you never know when someone will die and they take so much with them when they go. My dad wasn’t all that old, he was 61. It was very unexpected. And I bet that there’s a part of your dad that will be pleased with your interest in him 🙂

  3. Secrets can be totally unintentional. We all have a lot of things and bits of ideas, bits of relationships, things that happen and unhappen. I would feel that definitely i would not want to burden my kids with any of that. They probably have enough of their own things to worry about. I am also sure that most of the strange things I do would probably be misinterpreted perhaps by people who try to sort the things out, that even I would not have sorted out in my life. Still I feel sad for you that you lost your Dad who at least loved you with bangles, before he got to explain some of the rest of it. Best of luck with the book sale though !.

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