Me. White girls be like me. But I’ve got a plurality of passports that sometimes confuses the issue. As a Brazilian citizen, I’m required to vote or risk forfeiture of my passport. And guess what? After spending an entire Sunday in line with every other Brazilian from the Bay Area and finally getting my vote on, even after that there’s a run off election. So I must go back today, stand in line some more, and vote again. It doesn’t help that I don’t speak Portuguese.

The stick of it is, without the language but with papers I feel like such a fraudulent citizen. T’as une question? Mais biensûr, évidemment je parles français. And Spanish? I can do a little of that too. However, pào do queijo. Feijoada completa, cafe com leite. Não, não falo Portugues. It’s probably about time I consider the Rosetta Stone for Brazilian Portuguese before I accidentally insult Pelé. But why get Rosetta Stone when I can get deez stones!?!

Available at the National Geographic store for $98.99, it’s probably a fourth of the Rosetta price. That’s what my national heritage comes down to, buying gem stone bracelets from my birth country at the National Geographic store. I think there might be some backwards exoticism tucked away in there to boot.

But who am I voting for? Oh yes, Presidential candidate number 45 because that’s what my Auntie told me to do. This is some informed voting right here, folks. Candidate 45 is a he. Fortunately somebody in that wrap around the block voting line vouched for him as a candidate. So. Yay?

Does this H Stern bracelet look like a dangling chad at all?

H Stern is basically the Tiffany’s of Brazil. If you answer yes to my question then I can gift wrap the “Code bracelet in 18k yellow golf and diamonds” into this voting + corruption + Brazil topic. Yes? Yes.

But even after the run off election today voting is STILL not complete, because we’ve got our elections in the USA too. I should probably invest in something heartier than the free “I voted” sticker.

Thank you TraciKennedy on Etsy for filling this need for $3.75.

November 4th is voting day. I remember because it’s my best friend’s baby’s birthday. Her name is Annabel. I think 2 might be too young for bracelets as a birthday gift. But how about voting? Giving her the chance to vote sounds like an okay gift, right? I’m a bit rusty on all the rules, and not having kids I’m not always certain on what they like. Somebody told me they like cardboard boxes, and a voting booth is pretty much a glamorized box.

I’ll just tell her to vote the same as me, early and often. Ordem e Progresso, amirite? Educated voting be damned. I’m having a hard enough time keeping all the dates straight.