Hope

diamond hope necklace by JR DUNN

There is so much to be hopeful for right now but I worry about hope. It ties into “my narrative of self” (as my therapist calls it) where I feel as though I am not a particularly lucky person. Hello, run over by a truck here! So hope feels like a dangerous thing that is bound to hurt me.

I had my IVF transfer yesterday. Three embryos! With decent ratings. I’m so hopeful, so so hopeful. But this is final round three, and I don’t know if hope is even warranted. 👇 me and my honey all suited up.

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Then there’s the art fair that I applied to. It’s very prestigious called the stARTup Art Fair, and open only to artists who aren’t currently represented by any galleries. Since I handle my own sales, I qualify! I submitted early. I’m proud of the work, I sort of have an “in” with one of the judges, I want this and it would be a big thing for me. I’m hopeful. 👇 a piece I submitted

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Finally. Finally, (I’m shaking now from writing the scariest most precious things down for you all to read) I’ve been working on a story for 8 years now. It started out as a journal of my pain from my accident and along the way it morphed into a novel about a girl who works in a casino. My editor calls it “chicklit noir” and my other editor, Laurel from Dear Writers scrubbed out all my silly nonsense, tightened it up, and perfected it for me. Now, my first editor, Jay, says we’ll start approaching agents. I feel really good about my story, it’s something different and interesting. But again… too much hope.

So I’m sitting here completely terrified. TERRIFIED. Hope has never treated me kindly before, I don’t know why it would treat me well now. All I can do is bide my time and wait to be punched in the face one way or another. Or all three ways! But still I hope maybe for once everything will go my way.

Hope Necklace byJR Dunn

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27 thoughts on “Hope

  1. You’ve got so much going on! All good things & I love that artwork enough that I scrolled back up to it a few times, something about those colors. Completing a novel itself is impressive as hell, I hope you get an agent and get a publisher. Would you ever self-publish? I’d wish you lots of luck but I’m not sure you need it!

    1. It’s all coming together at once which keeps me thinking do people ever get everything that they want? No, right? Errrhhhhj But that you for the nice votes of confidence. And yea, I would consider self publishing. The plan is to try to get an agent for 6months to a year and if that doesn’t work then self publish. It’s for the accomplishment of it that I’d like it published, one of the few epiphanies from my accident. I want to publish a novel before I die.

      1. I don’t know & I’d be freaking out too but an important bit from this is that you’re working hard and actually trying-so many people don’t bother because they assume they can’t succeed which ensures they never will. You’ve got the heart & courage of a teenage mutant ninja turtle, you can do it! turtle power!

        I totally get that, I mean not the accident epiphany part but having my head set on a specific achievement. You can do it girl! I’ve read some shit books that got published f’real and your book actually sounds waaaay better and I know from your blog you’re a smart writer.

  2. You’ve got me here hoping, praying, shaking, doing dances…everything! I think a huge part of hope is persistence …it’s difficult, but in the grand scheme of things, we must remember to never give up! I’ll spare you my “shoot for the moon” statement and send you virtual hugs instead. ❤ Stay strong momma.

  3. No such thing as too much hope and I’ve got my fingers crossed that HOPEfully soon I’ll be reading blogs about your ever growing belly and HOPEfully writing blogs about how awesome your novel is!!

  4. That picture of you and blog dad (can I call him that?!) is sooo adorable. I wish you all the happiness in life. I say that so that it will tie all three in one sentence. This is such a happy post and hope is the best word for it. Love this. Love you!

      1. Dont be cry! Oh do they shoot it up the butt? I did not know that. Ice those cheeks then! Im so proud to be your friend. So excited for you and your honey. Cant wait to call you a MILF. And blog dad DILF. Hahahha.

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