Agents, Guns, and Diane von Furstenberg

Pre-owned Diamond Yellow Gold Gamblers Dice Bracelet

The other day Old Road Apples said such a flattering thing about my blog:

It’s interesting…I don’t wear jewelry, don’t shop for jewelry, but still find myself needing to “like” things on your page.

It’s so flattering because that perfectly sums up my goals with my writing. Sure, I write about jewelry, but I use it as a device to write about more in life; my stories, things that impress me, just regular human experiences that are bigger than gender and the writing device itself. I am proud that I have a number of male and female readers who are not jewelry aficionados and that my blog isn’t a specifically ‘No Boys Allowed!’ kind of club.

Marc by Marc Jacobs Roll The Dice Earring

As I mentioned in this post about hope, there is a trifecta of stars in my life that I am hoping will align right now. We can check off successful IVF, which leaves two: a big deal art fair that I applied to, and finding an agent for my novel. I spent yesterday emailing agents and two requested writing samples. HOORAY! Right? So I posted an update about it on facebook.

Now my novel, like my blog, is something that I hope transcends gendered interest. I wish it would fall into the noir, mystery, or suspense genres but since I am female, and the protagonist is female, we decided to call it ‘chicklit noir’ because the aim is to sell this thing, afterall. I’ll make a big fuss about this whole silly ‘chicklit’ notion later when I’m established.

Pre-owned Rolex Stainless Steel Air-King Wristwatch with Domino's Pizza Dial circa 2004

Wait, no, I’ll make a fuss now. You know how many times Lee Childs goes into detail about Jack Reacher’s weaponry? A shit ton. Do I care about his weaponry specifics? Not a fig, but I still read every damn Jack Reacher book. Now, my casino story I describe some outfits my character wears. Will everyone care? No, but fuck that. I read about Jack Reacher’s weapons, my reader can fucking tolerate some wardrobe changes. And so what my protagonist develops a love interest in the story, so does Jack Reacher (in every single Reacher story) but we’re not lumping him into ‘chicklit’.

Back on topic, I had two agents bite on my query emails. Lots of fb friends very nicely ‘liked’ my update and posted encouraging comments. It was super heartwarming. But then of course this rage inducing exchange (see below) goes down in private message.

Are you fucking kidding me dude? “sexy outfits”?!?! This is so INAPPROPRIATE on SOOO MANY LEVELS.

First of all- Don’t “sexy” pm me ANYTHING EVER for so many reasons but especially since I am married. Pro-tip, don’t send unsolicited “sexy” pms to ANY woman EVER.
Second- I obviously already expressed my concern at being gender typecast and FIRST QUESTION about my novel is the fucking sexiness of the clothes?!?
Third- Even without the prior concerns expressed, are you fucking kidding me with this question? There is no point at which this question would be appropriate. *Maybe* if I was like “I’m writing a novel all about sexy outfits” *maybe* then it’d be passably acceptable. But it’s not. It’s about a woman who works in a casino. So ask me a fucking casino related question, I know my gambling shit.
Fourth- “Chicklit” pretty much guarantees no descriptions of “sexy” outfits. “Chicklit” is not “erotic fiction”.

Anyway. I showed my husband the exchange. He said “what a creep.” Which is exactly correct, this is an excellent illustration of creepiness. And this guy can’t figure out why he can’t find a girlfriend. ANYWAY. I’m done bitching.

How are you guys doing? Did you pop over to Old Road Apples blog yet? I love the found photos. Especially now, it makes me so thankful for our lack of snow in SF.

17 thoughts on “Agents, Guns, and Diane von Furstenberg

  1. Why didn’t he ask whether it was a sexy shady loanshark? The novel sounds very interesting! And I like those dice earrings, too. My favorite part of the casino has always been the roulette wheel, though. I made my own for a summer camp I worked at that did a casino night.

      1. I said I needed a Night Sloth for my blog for something and she didn’t question further, that’s what I like in a pal!
        I’ll scan them onto my blog when I get them.

  2. First, congrats on hearing from agents! And I am definitely one of those non-fashion type people who really enjoy your blog 🙂

    Second, wth dude? Somehow, I imagine that he has a future in one of those Buzzfeed list articles with screenshots of guys being creepy.

    1. Thanks for the congrats! Though the first one just got back to me with a no. But that’s okay, there’s still the second to hear back from, not to mention the others I emailed. I’m hopeful.

      Second, yes. I can more or less guarantee he will be one of those dudes. He does a lot of complaining about how awful single women are in this city, and every time I just SMH. Dude, it’s not them, it’s you. Ick.

  3. Hahahahahahahhaa! Some guys are so clueless. I hope Im on the list for a signed copy (I’ll buy the book you do the signing) Don’t brag because its freaking 5° here in Maryland and I can’t wait to get to San Diego in April!

  4. I’m sure I speak for at least a few guys in saying your style of writing is singular. That it brings us back for more… and yes I do know more about jewelry because of you, is a tribute to your gifts and um, STYLE of … you know what I mean… I hope…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s