What does it mean to be a dog lover?

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If you are ever in the mood to bawl your eyes out, let me recommend Marley & Me by John Grogan. The book, mind you, not the stupid movie. Grogan offers the truest insight into the hearts of dog lovers ever. We are all masochists; we commit to utterly loving our dogs with full knowledge that one day they will break our hearts. (Oh my god, I am tearing up just writing that.)

Anyway. I fucking love dogs. They make the best people. I think that is an Einstein quote. Or maybe this is: if you ever think a dog can’t count try putting two treats in your pocket and only giving him one.

My entire family is dog people. You should see Thanksgiving at my mom’s house, it’s insane.

As you know, Aaron and I have Bandit & Leroy. Bandit is more like my familiar than my dog, though, and we are psychically linked. (Joking not joking)
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What? It was raining out and they are Chihuahuas.

My mom has Blue. He is very rude, his tongue is all the time sticking out.
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My brother Clayton has Radar & Otis. Radar’s motto is make war not love. Of all these dogs, she’s the boss. Yep, tiny boss dog gets the big bed and kicks big dog over to the tiny bed.
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Below is our newest member, my baby brother George just entered into contract of guaranteed heart break in 14 to 17 years time with Blue Lady Carter.
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Finally, my brother Jamie doesn’t (yet) have a dog but he and Bandit have a special relationship.

Anyways, what it means to me to be a dog lover is to try to love them as immensely as they love us but they will always love us more. Because they’re dogs and that’s what they do. Didn’t I say they make the best people?

Vintage Christian Dior dog tag bracelet at Farfetch

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Superbowl Sundae

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Are you all watching this thing today? We were invited to two parties! But my honey is the kind of football watcher who believes that trying to watch an “important” game while other people are hanging out will ruin the game.

Huh? Is always my response. The one redeeming thing of football, in my opinion, is the social aspect of it. To this my honey says “Josh understands.” (That’s our neighbor.) (I feel I should start incorporating this logic into more of our discussions. “Honey, really the TV volume is too loud. Josh understands.”)

But I am actually relieved not to be going to either party. They are both a long drive away which is just not my cup of tea. And one party is serving Jello shots which I would need the will power of somebody much stronger than myself to turn down.

So instead we will enjoy hot dogs and dip here. And do you know how many party sized bags of chips my honey got for the two of us? Two. (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) I think we should invite Josh to eat some of these chips with us. But somehow I get the feeling he’ll say no.

Who are you guys rooting for? Apparently I am not allowed to root for the Seahawks or I’ll be excommunicated from San Francisco. But I don’t know, I’m ambivalent about the Patriots.

More importantly what are you eating???

Football bangle by Simply Soles

99 Problems & A Bitch Is Definitely 1

Like literally. A female dog is my big problem today.

We’re dog watching a cute (?) shepard/collie mix this weekend. She is sweet, soft, loving, big, hungry for Leroy, and pulls on leashes. That’s right, she wants to eat Leroy.

Leroy looks like this ring to begin with, so it’s not a far stretch that someone would decide to try to eat him. I almost do on a daily basis because he’s pretty darn cute. But this is not cool. Two attempts now at eating him. NOT COOL, BIG DOG.

So the original plan was leave all the doggies at home today, since both my husband and I are working. But now we can’t leave her with Leroy. And Bandit & Leroy are a unit, so next solution? Bring them to the shop, leave BIG NAUGHTY DOG at our place.

EXCEPT. We left her by herself for 15 minutes and she got on the dining table. Ate an ink pad and knocked stuff off the table. I think that was the order of events. So now, Aaron drove her over to my shop, with the baby gate, and she’s trapped in my back room. Because she still must be separated from Leroy and Bandit. Not to mention, if she’s acting this way with my dogs? What might she do to a customer’s dog?? She’s back there now. CRYING. “Why?” She cries, “why do you punish me? Leroy looks so tasty, can you blame me?”

Uhoh, she’s quiet. I’m afraid to look.

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Barry Kieselstein Cord Bracelet
Boticca Hot Dog Ring
Boticca Origami Dog
Allurez Rose Gold Bone Necklace

Once More With Feeling

You guys? I made a mistake. I did not do Buffy a proper justice in yesterday’s post. I’m regretting my actions! Because I was so busy bragging about my relationship with The Walking Dead I completely neglected my most favorite show even though the post was intended to be all about Buffy. As the Beach Boys say, it wouldn’t be right to leave your best girl home on a Saturday night. Which has something to do with something.
Slayer Necklace
Maybe I’m a little embarrassed as to the extent of my fan-ishness? It encompasses all the comics as well as following Sarah Michelle Gellar on twitter. Who is super funny. I feel like a creeper admitting this. I read Buffy fanfiction. That is officially my deepest darkest secret. DON’T JUDGE ME!

Saint Laurent Sterling-Silver Necklace

I even have a Buffy fanfiction plot idea which is TOP SECRET but Cee and Dora will be glad to know it’s Spike based.
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I suppose there are further depths to fall in the Buffy abyss. I could go to a panel or something. Or tattoo “what the what” across my forehead. Fortunately my life is not quite at that point. Yet. But I am on the BTVS call list at my local comic book store Comix Experience which is in and of itself mortifying.

So today’s Buffy question is circa season 4: When Spike (spoiler) escapes the Initiative, he already has the chip, how is he able to punch the various scientists and soldiers during the escape? Not even two minutes later in the episode he attacks Willow and clutches at his head in pain. What the what.

Saint Laurent Sterling-Silver Necklace on Polyvore
Gem of Amara available at I love swords
Vampire Slayer necklace available at The Geek Studio on Etsy

Everybody’s a (terrible) Comedian

For some reason going to my IVF appointments brings out my inner comedian. I suppose “for some reason” actually should read “because humor is my defense mechanism” but so at today’s appointment I was killing it.
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First there was the blood draw where I asked the nurse if I should remove my clothes. Then I added “I know not all my clothes, I learned that the hard way.” You see because they just need you to take off your jacket and I was implying I had fully disrobed at some previous blood draw.
Venus of Willendorf charm
Then during the follicle count process (which is the MOST awkward moment in the exam) I checked with the doctor if I could still go running. Then I asked if I could still be drinking wine. And then (ready those snare drums) I asked if it was okay to do both at the same time.
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Needless to say at NO point was anyone but myself amused. Such a bummer. That’s why I feel obliged to share with you all, my more or less captive audience, and the Pirate King. Because I thought that was some quality A grade humor. And I have 4 follicles. Which is 3 more than the “you are fired from IVF” round so that’s not awful news.

Fertility Charms:
Frog available at Across the Pond
Venus of Willendorf available at Charms4U on Etsy
Rabbit available at The Caring Society

SF Muni Rabbit Hole

Unlike many SFers I love our public transportation system. Not Bart of course, duh. Nobody likes Bart. I’m talking about Muni. It’s our bus system. It covers the city, it is more reliable than people give it credit for, and, especially when you get a seat, it can be a downright pleasant experience.

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Being a Muni driver is a generally thankless job: one that is bitched about on twitter (looking at you @munidiaries), complained about to your face while managing fare jumpers, requires confrontations with unruly passengers, and includes chatty crazies who want to talk to you while you drive. All while negotiating the insanity of construction and traffic on San Francisco streets.

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All of this leads me to my question: what happened to saying “thank you” to the driver? It used to be a person exiting the bus would holler out “Thank you!” But now? Rarely do I hear this.

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Call me crazy, but I think the “thank you, Driver” should be brought back. So I do it, every ride, because it really is the absolute least that can be done to brighten someone’s day.

SF MUNI cufflinks by Jenny Reeves
SF MUNI cable care & token earrings Future History of SF on Etsy
SF MUNI transfer earrings by Passport to Paper on Etsy

How you like dem Apples???

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This post is for Jenny at She Loves Dresses because she loves food jewelry! If you too love cute food jewelry, Jenny, besides blogging about wonderful vintage dresses, sells some cute food jewelry at She Loves Cute Stuff (shout out, woot woot!)

Today is the day that I do something with my collection of slowly rotting apples. I have mentioned before my cooking skills. As in, they are not an inherent skill set of mine but something I have learned through practice and following recipes closely. These apples have been bugging me, like quite literally, because of all the fruit flies. So I figured I’d do something with them. Welcome to my little apple butter cooking lesson AKA how Margaret fuck’s up that which she’s attempting to cook.

Step one, find a recipe! No problem, thanks to my wonderful Fannie Farmer

Step two, realize that you do not have most of the necessary ingredients and the quantity of apples? Significantly less than 5 lbs.

Step three, proceed disregarding these shortcomings.

Step four, dice apples, put them on the stove to cook and commence research on apple jewelry.

Can I show you these apple jewelries? OMG. REAL FRUIT jewelry by, what else, Real Fruit Jewelry. The apple is kind of boring, but their kiwis? Pretty cool. I think they are dipped in resin to preserve them.
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Or the bracelet apple? Made of unknown materials by Inekeotte Jewelry, seems like it’d be a bit awkward to wear and do basic stuff like reach into your purse. But whatever! It’s creative, right?
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Step five, notice the pot is clanking a lot. Return to stove top and add various ingredients the recipe both does and does not call for.

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Step six, ignore instructions to stir constantly to avoid burning and return to the internets. Read Dora’s The Walking Dead post. Uhhh what the fuck machines are they unplugging on TWD? With my first hand “being run over by a truck” experience I can tell you that there aren’t any life maintaining machines for you to be plugged into. Chest tubes have been around since WWII, they’re just tubes shoved into your pleural cavity that drain blood into buckets. BUCKETS. That’s not exactly sophisticated machinery.

The other machines I was connected to were: heart monitor, morphine drip, and oxygen tank. But it’s not like I would have died if these were “unplugged”. So whatevs. NO SPOILERS, I am not concerned as to the outcome of the character being “unplugged.” I mean, unless there’s brain damage and *character* can’t breathe on their own? But then they are fucked regardless because brain trauma = no bueno in zombie apocalypse.

Ehhh… Where was I?

Step seven, improvise MORE. Add tapioca flour (to make it stickier) and frozen blueberries (because why the hell not?). Notice apple butter is turning a bloody color. Add lemon juice. AND WINE. Again, why not?

Step eight, realize wine was a mistake. ADD BRANDY to counter act the wine. Because brandy is the opposite of wine, right? It’s simple math, folks. Close and put away cookbook because we are riding far off trail now.

Step nine, start looking for wine jewelry on some popular wine websites. Bemoan the fact that you can purchase a copy of To Kill A Mockingbird on the Coppola Vineyards site but not bracelets only to realize it’s Tequila Mockingbird, a cookbook? Then bemoan the downfall of Western Literature. Finally find cork bracelets (close, right?) but… ehhhh… no. This is not up my alley.
cork bracelet

Step ten, finally finish cooking and arrange a pretty “apple “butter photo.

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Remember that which doesn’t kill you makes you stronger… Bon appétit!

Nirvana

This is a hodge podge of a theme, inspired by Heart Shaped Box. Because I am sentimental and it’s a beautiful song.

Where were you when you heard Kurt Cobain died? If you answer “just a twinkle in my parents eyes”, then you don’t know, man. You don’t know. You don’t know about the pervasive cult of Nirvana. For example, school dances played Smells Like Teen Spirit multiple times per night. You try dancing to that! It’s just not possible. No wonder I didn’t kiss a boy until I was 16. I wasn’t even a late bloomer, I was a regular bloomer. Don’t feel too sorry for me on the kissing front, tho, I more than made up for it.

So I didn’t even *like* grunge music. I was more of an R&B kind of girl. And Oldies, I loved the Oldies. But I was sprawled across the backseat of my dad’s car, the radio on while we drove somewhere when the DJ cut in to tell us of Kurt Cobain’s death. I was 14, just about to turn 15. Like Jon Snow, I knew nothing. Kurt Cobain seemed hecka old. Nirvana had been around since forever, right? I’m telling you, I knew nothing of time or life or death or art. Nothing.

Now here I am twenty years later, sentimentally listening to the gloomiest genre of music ever. I didn’t even like grunge then, but I like it now. It means something to me. I’ve been drawn into the magnet tar-pit trap of nostalgia.

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Looks like the jewelry designer Isabel Marant is similarly sentimental. This line is called Nevermind. I will go out on a limb and guess is she 37 years old. If Nevermind is her go to Nirvana album I know without a shadow of a doubt that she is two years older then me. I know it!

Nirvana collection
This here is part of her Nirvana collection.

Oops. I just googled her, and though her age is impossible to find it seems she’s solidly in her mid forties. Tant pis. Her Frenchness throws off the sophisticated algorithm of age deduced by Nirvana album preference. Personally, my favorite is In Utero.

Etsy Rib Cage
In an effort to find some jewelry inspired by the female torso that graces the cover of In Utero I came across this very cool rib cage pendant by mrd74. My accident, besides almost killing me, primarily crushed my chest. I broke all my ribs, punctured both my lungs, and sported a trio of chest tubes. So I have much respect for the structure of the human rib cage, it is remarkable. We’re made of so much jelly! Fortunately, complicated architecture protects our softest parts. What can I say? She eyes me like a Pisces when I’m weak. What does that even MEAN??? I don’t know.

Quick topic change: Who’s now in the mood for some coffee? Coffee is soooo 90s, isn’t it?

Supermental

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Remember how I took the day off yesterday? It was so great. Long time no sick days. That’s the biggest thing I miss from my pre self-employment life. But who needs to earn money when you can spend the day dressed like a homeless gypsy in slippers! That’s me! and Leroy! We got to do everything.
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Enjoying some wine in the afternoon!

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Not reading the book I planned to read because I fell asleep from drinking afternoon wine in bed!

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Writing a bunch of words for NANO THINGAMAGIGIT (spoiler, yep, he’s dead)(double spoiler, Transformers is next in the queue)

Finally, the best part of all, watching a much anticipated episode of Supernatural. Sooooooo……… I love that show. I feel a bit embarrassed fessing up to it. It’s so shameful! One time, I had this dream about Sam Winchester and, well, let me tell you, waking up that morning next to my husband? I felt so guilty. I’m a terrible wife. Dreaming about Sam Winchester.
Team Sam
Nobody ever get me this Supernatural necklace from Cafe Press, okay?
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Winchester spelled in Morse code by amelia morse *might* be acceptable but I want to keep this fan-mania under wraps.

Anyway, my favorite Supernatural episodes are the meta ones. Fan Fiction (episode 5 season 10) was hyper meta. I loved it. The episode ended with a surprise cameo and I squealed. My dogs looked at me like I was bananas. They were all “some of us are trying to nap here, homeless gypsy lady.” Then I said out loud to the empty house “I love it.” Because I love this show.

Final final words, look at the video my honey emailed me! I’m putting in a formal request to change my Morse code bracelet to read “Team Honey”

The Walking Dora

The other day I asked Dora about her second favorite TV show because her first favorite is The Walking Dead, and I’ve already sought out zombie jewelry about twelve times now. Here I found the disappointing branded Walking Dead store, here I covered all things zombie and here I took down the MAN in my TWD, Sex Ed Fail post.

Maybe we can admit two things straight off the bat. First, I am prone to exaggeration. Second, I’ve probably beaten the zombie bracelet theme to death. Unfortunately for you all, it then rose from the dead and bit me ONE MORE TIME. Because, guess what? Dora and I both love TWD that much! I’m throwing Sup Darling under the wheels of the zombie bus as well. How’s that for human remains in the exhaust pipe, huh? Whatchu got to say about that?!

First up, what the fresh noise is this thing that Rick’s holding??
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I found it on the Craufthaus website, made by a Rebecca Rose. I don’t know about you, but to me this looks an awful lot like a Walking Dead scene atop a ring. Which is kind of awesome.

BLoody Charms
Now, I’ve showcased some zombie charm bracelets before but this one is different in that it is significantly bloodier. MM hmm blood. Made by Antonis Art Asylum on Etsy. Talk about dedication to authenticity! But wait.. shouldn’t these tools be covered in blackish green blood if they were used on the zombies… um?? Are these tools from the Governor’s toolbox? :/ Ahem. Moving onwards!

five gold skulls
I want a five gold skull trophy bracelet! Emphasis on ‘skull trophy’ not ‘trophy bracelet’. I guess technically, this is a necklace but I’m sure we can contact Starta, the designer, maybe he would hook a fellow zombiephile up? He should for the amount of money these gold skulls cost. I’d like to point out his TWD necklace is on display right next to his cuddly teddy bear charm necklace. Watch your back, Teddy. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

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OMG even Polyvore is getting in on the zombie hookups. This skulls and skins brings a little bit of skull to that classy bracelet collection of yours. Or mine.

There you have it, there is no bottom to the zombie/jewelry pit. Please enjoy the view of all the skulls while we free fall thru this together. Just a quick aside: I’m writing this while listening to some MJ, and I just realized Man in the Mirror is the Governor’s jam. Make that change. Or not. Shamo.