White girls be like…

Me. White girls be like me. But I’ve got a plurality of passports that sometimes confuses the issue. As a Brazilian citizen, I’m required to vote or risk forfeiture of my passport. And guess what? After spending an entire Sunday in line with every other Brazilian from the Bay Area and finally getting my vote on, even after that there’s a run off election. So I must go back today, stand in line some more, and vote again. It doesn’t help that I don’t speak Portuguese.

The stick of it is, without the language but with papers I feel like such a fraudulent citizen. T’as une question? Mais biensûr, évidemment je parles français. And Spanish? I can do a little of that too. However, pào do queijo. Feijoada completa, cafe com leite. Não, não falo Portugues. It’s probably about time I consider the Rosetta Stone for Brazilian Portuguese before I accidentally insult Pelé. But why get Rosetta Stone when I can get deez stones!?!

IMG_2896.PNG Available at the National Geographic store for $98.99, it’s probably a fourth of the Rosetta price. That’s what my national heritage comes down to, buying gem stone bracelets from my birth country at the National Geographic store. I think there might be some backwards exoticism tucked away in there to boot.

But who am I voting for? Oh yes, Presidential candidate number 45 because that’s what my Auntie told me to do. This is some informed voting right here, folks. Candidate 45 is a he. Fortunately somebody in that wrap around the block voting line vouched for him as a candidate. So. Yay?

Does this H Stern bracelet look like a dangling chad at all?

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H Stern is basically the Tiffany’s of Brazil. If you answer yes to my question then I can gift wrap the “Code bracelet in 18k yellow golf and diamonds” into this voting + corruption + Brazil topic. Yes? Yes.

But even after the run off election today voting is STILL not complete, because we’ve got our elections in the USA too. I should probably invest in something heartier than the free “I voted” sticker.

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Thank you TraciKennedy on Etsy for filling this need for $3.75.

November 4th is voting day. I remember because it’s my best friend’s baby’s birthday. Her name is Annabel. I think 2 might be too young for bracelets as a birthday gift. But how about voting? Giving her the chance to vote sounds like an okay gift, right? I’m a bit rusty on all the rules, and not having kids I’m not always certain on what they like. Somebody told me they like cardboard boxes, and a voting booth is pretty much a glamorized box.

I’ll just tell her to vote the same as me, early and often. Ordem e Progresso, amirite? Educated voting be damned. I’m having a hard enough time keeping all the dates straight.

Ghost dad LOL

Alanna from White Girls Be Like posted a challenge, a competition! She’s hosting a Funny Blog Friday which sounds pretty alright. Since I’m competitive, and I like to think I’m funny despite my total inability to remember punchlines, I raised my hand.

But then I started re-reading my blogs. Turns out grief, bracelets, and infertility don’t make for a rollicking good time. So here’s a collection of my worst, darkest, least funny, most painful, absolutely terrible thoughts recently. Let me welcome you to rock bottom.

-If my dad were still alive we’d probably go to the baseball game tonight.
-My dad was the only person to ask me how my day went.
-It’s getting darker earlier and soon I’ll be walking home from work in the dark. Because my dad used to be my ride home and now he is dead. And nobody asks me how my day went anymore.
-How many rounds of IVF would it take to bankrupt my honey and me?
-If we do get pregnant, this kid will probably be an asshole because we’re over invested in the process.
-At the very least, he’ll have no toys. Because we spent all our money on making him.
-I don’t think my dogs like me as much as they used to and they’ll probably hate me if I get pregnant.
-Someday everybody I love will die, I think that’s how the lyrics go.
-If my husband and I both die with some frozen embryos still in the bank, will my brothers destroy the embryos? Even after all this hard work and money spent?
-What if my honey dies first?
-What if I die first with frozen embryos in the bank? Would my honey remarry?
-What kind of a woman would marry a widower who brings his own frozen embryos to the table?
-Obviously my destroyed frozen embryos and I must haunt my honey and his new wife if he decides to ditch the embryos.
-Will my dogs like my husband’s new wife better then me?
-Can I haunt them too?
-Will they even care?
-Dogs are probably only afraid of ghosts when the ghosts are haunting paper bags.
-When I’m not haunting my husband and his new wife, my afterlife will be spent haunting paper bags. Paper bags. While my husband and his new wife will be busy getting pregnant super easily.
-At least I’ll have my destroyed embryos to keep me company. And my dad. Who will definitely ask me how my day went.
-I’ll need to remember to update my dad on the whole paper bag situation.
-Maybe we can bring one to a ball game, depending on haunting policies.
-Or are there ghost leagues? I’d probably prefer those.

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LOL bangle by Archetrend is available for $9.50

Antiquated excuses

You know that moment when you’re looking at something and you think to yourself “this is fancy, it’s got to cost at least X amount of dollars.” Then you check out the price tag and your eyeballs pop out of your head as you shout “Gazoooooga!” Because this item is one hundred times more expensive then you imagined, you know that moment? Well I experienced that at least three times tonight at the SF Fall Antiques Show.

It got to the point where I found this bracelet below, the one that spells out I LOVE YOU at $3800 and I was all “Finally, a good deal!”

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This was at the Lawrence Jeffrey booth where I also found this item…

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Can you see that? Do you SEE THIS THING? Are you interested in wearing a beautifully crafted necklace of decapitated black folks’ heads? Would you enjoy a jewelry piece that touches on the open wound of our slavery history, Orientalism, and the objectification of humans? The details are exquisite, gold earrings, turquoise accents. Perfect for your beloved KLANSMAN SLASH SERIAL KILLER! It’s just $13,800. For the person who likes to spend a lot of money on showcasing their bigotry.

Before you start saying, oh this is an antique, this celebrates the Moors (it’s a “blackamoor” necklace), it was different times, people didn’t know, etc. b.s. etc., before that let me tell you it was made in the 1950s. 1950s!! I’m pretty certain even way back then people mostly frowned upon a necklace of this style. AND this is not some kind of African artifact. It’s made in ITALY. Am I overreacting? I don’t think so but I’m interested in other people’s perspectives. Who wears this? And who buys this? It just boggles my mind.

I have other things to write about the Fall Antique Show, but this necklace, man, it deserved it’s own post. Seriously, what would you do with this necklace if you found it in your possession? Melt it down? Wear it? Give it to a friend? “Happy birthday, I got you this statement necklace. I think it’s a Stella & Dot piece.”

For real, what does one do with a necklace like this? On the one hand it’s made of highly valuable materials, on the other hand there’s absolutely everything else. I’m lost. This is that moment where I’m all ” Wha? Huh? Um, what?” while scratching away at my head. It just does not compute.

The rainbow connection

Yesterday The Honking Goose, a blogger whose posts I find rather delightful wrote on a topic that strikes me very near to my heart. Gay rights. Her post was intended to be humorous, and me, the ever politically correct overly sensitive excessively earnest individual that I am overreacted a bit. It’s a very thought provoking article, go read it. You’ll maybe understand why it got me all hot and bothered, maybe not. I think part of the problem was the level of sarcasm was lost on me, or hard to read. This JKC bangle represents me overreacting: off with her head!

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Regardless, she got me thinking about rainbows. Beautiful magical rainbows and the rainbow flag. The pride flag of San Francisco. And you know what? I love that flag. It’s takes a beautiful natural occurrence (rainbows) to celebrate the most beautiful natural occurrence: LOVE.

But she felt, as a straight person, that the rainbow is gone from her. That she can’t use it any longer. To which I say, why not? There are so many layers here to unpack.

First up, of course you can still celebrate and love rainbows. Rainbows are universal. Really anybody, gay or straight, can wear this Sobral bracelet for $90

IMG_2731.JPG The challenge is finding the outfit to go with it.

Secondly, even though rainbows also celebrate gay pride, so what? If the fear is that people might think you’re gay, guess what? That probably won’t happen but so what if they do? What’s the problem with someone thinking you’re gay? I think they’ll figure out pretty quick that you’re not. Worst case scenario it’ll be like mistaking you for someone who likes peanut butter, offering you a Reese’s and then you pass saying “You know, I’m just not a peanut butter eater, but thanks for the offer.” That’s presuming of course that you have any sort of appeal to be offered the peanut butter to begin with. Which, eh, how many people actually hit on you regularly? Sooooooo….. There’s that.

Though actually, whatever you do! Don’t mistake me for a peanut butter eater. I don’t want all those people pushing their Reese’s Pieces and Butterfingers on me. It’s just gross, and unnatural. Seriously tho. I hate peanut butter. This etsy bracelet by LifeTravelDesigns is so much barf to me. Ugh.

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Back to rainbows. Go for it. Wear them, enjoy them, celebrate what they sometimes represent: love. I can promise the first thing I usually think when I see someone wearing rainbows is not that they are gay it’s that they are a 90’s candy raver, and for that I’ll judge you.

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Good willing

For the most part, thrift shopping in SF is pointless. It’s all picked over, marked up, “vintage” Forever 21 pieces, or odd sizes. But there are two huge exceptions.

1. Men’s wear- I can wax poetic for hours over the incredible finds we’ve brought home for my husband. Calvin Klein button up shirts for $14, Dolce & Gabanna sweaters, great shoes. Good deals are super findable because frankly? Many guys don’t shop second hand, and those who do don’t know labels and pass over excellent items.

2. Jewelry, books, and home items at The Goodwill on Clement. My theory is this Goodwill is on the fringe of the fancy neighborhood so it receives donations of under the radar items that don’t have much of a resale market. But Clement street is very immigrant heavy, and I think the people who shop here are looking for practical items. What falls in the cross over of this Venn diagram? The less practical nicer quality stuff. Decorative vases, interesting jewelry pieces, and, well I don’t know how James Patterson books fit into my theory but I find lots of them too.

Check out today’s purchase:

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A brass wire wrapped cuff, with an asymmetrical shape to it and a brass and blue lapis bangle with a tiny little heart clasp. Pretty cute, right?? Big pat on the back for me.

What do you guys think? You find any great second hand items lately?

Full dinosaur disclosure

Full disclosure, I own a boutique (Bath Sense yay! says the queen of uncomfortable self promotion). Because of the shop I vendored at a San Francisco fashion week event last night on fashion blogging.

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It was ridiculous because apparently there is now a college major called “fashion blogging” and this is San Francisco. So. “Fashion”… One panelist very correctly answered “hoodies” when asked about classic SF style. Don’t get me wrong, there are some very very fashionable SFers. People here (myself included) definitely care about clothing, style and designers, but when a lady wearing Google glasses and just a boring black dress, like sooooo boring I wouldn’t even wear it to a funeral except maybe a funeral for Kinko’s (rest in peace), when she is “fashionable” at our “fashion” week? I just cannot use enough air quotes to express myself properly. And the tech dudes trying to explain their startup concepts that will fail in 2 months time? Ugh.

Anyway, so I’m there as a vendor, spying on the blogging insight panels, watching the jumbo screen behind them with the live hashtag feed and drinking wine when I decide to hashtag something. Hello tweet under my shop’s name (@BathSense #eyeroll)

“I think I’m the dinosaur in the room” is what I wrote. Hashtag the event name. And it instantly pops up on the jumbotron behind the panelists and freezes the screen. I THINK AM THE DINOSAUR IN THE ROOM! That is what we in the biz call branding. Bath Sense = I THINK AM THE DINOSAUR IN THE ROOM.

So. Let’s go with it. Here’s some cool dinosaur jewelry because I THINK I AM THE DINOSAUR IN THE ROOM #FTW

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Dinosaur Designsis just awesome. They’re located in NY and Australia. How’s that for a combo? My brother gave me some of their earrings for Christmas a few years back. This funky red bangle is marked down to $50 now! If it’s unavailable that means I decided to buy it.

What about this crazy thing?

IMG_2611.JPG Is it a bird? Do you see that yellow as a beak? Or maybe a football helmet? I don’t know but it’s $40 now! What would you wear with it? Hey boring black dress lady, let me swap out your weird glasses for some out-of-control jewelry, now you are rocking.

This one’s a little pricier:

IMG_2612.JPG It’s called Vanilla Pod, resin dipped in 24 ct gold for $336

Anyway, Dinosaur Designs offers a lot of interesting things. I like the hand touchedness of their pieces. You can really see the craftsmanship that goes into their jewelry. And they are big supporters of the arts which, full disclosure you guys? I’m an artist too. If we’re going to do this, let’s do this all the way. Www.margarettimbrell.com. Now I’m that embarrassed dinosaur in the room. *hides face* oh and? I was run over by a truck 7 years ago. One of my passports is Brazilian. I’m entering my 2nd IVF attempt in November. And I’m Superman. Now you know everything about me.