11.22.14 peevish

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Today I received a comment on one of my blog posts, a post that I’m particularly proud of because its subject is bleak and personal but I worked very hard to balance the dark hurt aspects with humor and light. Because everything has a humorous side. Don’t get me going on colon cancer. It’s a fucking laugh riot. See? That was funny because colon cancer is NOT a laugh riot, the punchline subverts my entire thesis statement. Humor, right? Hahaha. I’m fucked up, ok?

Anyway, the post I’m talking about is Ghost Dad LOL. I’ve really appreciated the various comments I have received on it. Up until today. Because today’s commenter, not someone with a WP blog, said “love stream of consciousness writing…no going back, editing”… WTF DUDE! Do you not realize HOW MUCH going back and editing I do on each and every post? Sure, sometimes grammar errors slip thru, sometimes that grammar error is intentional, sometimes I misspell something and don’t catch it but NEVER NOT EVER have I posted a stream of consciousness post. Maybe in a comment once or twice. Sort of?

I completely acknowledge that I am twisting my own panties in a bunch with very little cause. Fine, the commenter attempted a compliment. Maybe he doesn’t know what stream of consciousness is?

If that’s the case, here’s stream of consciousness:
Typing odn an ipad sucks and my fingers move too slow. I hate this song right now, shoudlnt have eaten that whole oanini. Greta more typos. Fat fingers. Cokd table. wtf.

👆That’s a pretty garbage blog post, right? Say what you like about my writing, but don’t ever say that I don’t go back and edit. That is the realm where I am KING.

Today’s bangles are: flacons de parfum, rouge Calèche, silver Taxco bangle, skinny silver Tiffany’s bangle, and wide Tiffany’s bangle from Christmas 1994.

Now ask me my opinion on starting a blog post with “I”; this rant train is the express and we are making no stops today.

WordPressing Onwards

You may notice I changed my blog layout. Yay for me! It took a depressingly long time to tweak everything. I was all “Widgets? Are they chewy? Sure, I guess I’ll try a couple.” Let’s just say I’m not the most tech savvy individual. Which is ironic because for my shop, I am my own IT guy. Everything I know about tech support I learned from the British tech tutorial The IT Crowd.

Primarily I’m afraid I’ll do something that will alter everything and I won’t know how to undo it ever again. To this day there’s a damn pin it button that haunts my web browser. PIN IT! It cries in the night…. pin it. Happy Halloween, pin it ghost button. I don’t know how it got there yet it pops up on top of every single picture I look at. And yes, I’ve tried turning the computer off then back on again.

Anyway, I’m pretty pleased with my slightly changed blog. Going thru this process got me thinking about all those templates. I googled WordPress Jewelry theme. Are those actual real websites? If not, what bracelets do the templates offer? And people make all sorts of fan jewelry, is there WordPress fan jewelry? Can I pin it? Just kidding, I never pin anything. I’m hoping eventually my pin it ghost will become discouraged and leave. So. How meta would you like to be this morning? Very? Good, come sit next to me.

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On one pretty jewelry blog layout I found this sparkler. They call it the “Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet” bracelet. Ah, so true, there is no one who loves pain. Which is probably the pain of all the jewelry on this site named the same thing.

The bracelet blurb was very informative:
Remember that barbarians liked all shiny and bright things even if those were absolutely useless. Probably we have inherited this weakness.

I think I might like these barbarians.

The one thing that would keep me from pulling the trigger on imaginarily purchasing this bracelet is the math. Somehow it doesn’t totally add up. Looks like they confused the discount amount of $4 with the discount amount + tax on the original cost. I’m sorry imaginary online boutique, but you can’t throw tax into a discount total, especially when you don’t actually remove the tax. Why, if you were a real business I would shake my fist at you so hard.

Oh I forgot to mention that this template sells both Cartier and Jessica Simpson jewelry. Now that is a combo!

All of these mockup templates cracked me up in their details. There is the “Jewelry for Real Ladies” template. 50% off now with the discount code dungeon. Any time you’ve got to include the descriptor “real” in front of the word “ladies”, I assume you are talking about one of two types of people. Prostitutes and/or drag queens. The dungeon discount code doubles down on my suspicions.

Finally I moved on to check Etsy for WordPress fan jewelry. Of which I found something but It wasn’t what I had hoped.

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This one boutique IreneDesigns2011 turns up in the search. Everything of hers, I can’t figure out why. It doesn’t look like fan jewelry right?

Anyway, it’s time to address my final question. Yes, you can pin all of these things. Now, what’s a widget?