11.6.14 bringing on the heartbreak

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Yesterday I promised you guys some heartbreak. Here it is, in the picture below my wrist shot (so sexy!) and above this paragraph (also so sexy!).

That’s Bandit at around 5:45 pm on our first day of work since the time change. He’s sitting there, alert, looking out the shop door, waiting. Waiting for who? For my dad.

It’s dark, obviously closing time, all signs indicating to Bandit that one of his favorite people should be arriving any moment to pick us up and give us a ride home 💔 Bandit hasn’t done this for months now. But this time change, it triggered a reminder of the habit in him I think. It was so ingrained in us. One of the recurring thoughts I had after my dad died was “but how will we get home now?” Late afternoon continues to be a hard time of day for me.

Dogs are amazing, aren’t they? Poor Bandit (and Leroy too, but he’s a bit of a dum dum), I wonder what he’s thinking? How they experience sorrow? Two of my dog owning acquaintances died recently. Dick, the owner of my local hardware store and Diana, a customer of mine. I really felt for their families, of course. I can relate to them and what they are going thru.

But my heart just broke completely thinking of their dogs, Lola and Hudson respectively. These were both people, like myself, who spent 24/7 with their dogs. Lola is this blind chihuahua and she followed Dick up and down the hardware aisles. They were a cute pair, Dick this lumbering old man and Lola this ‘perfect fit for Paris Hilton’s purse’ tiny dog.

Diana’s dog Hudson has the most soulful eyes. He’s a small black Maltese. Diana went thru many months of chemo and surgeries, and you could read the concern on Hudson’s face. He knew something was going on. So when he walked into the shop the other day, I hugged him and I told him that I am sorry for his loss. It felt like the right thing to do.

Those dogs, their littles lives, the centers of their universes are gone. How do they deal? I know they miss their person, but do they sense the total absence? Or are they like Bandit, hopeful that if the stars align just right and they wait patiently enough, that person will return?

Today’s bangles are: Les Ponts de Paris by Hermès, trellis silver cuff from Tiffany’s and my dad’s two face watch by Baum & Mercier. Below is the engraving I added to the back of it.
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Three Times a Charm

As you may know, the Giants won the World Series last night. Three times in six years! I cried. I cried because of that same now pointless muscle memory that just keeps sucker punching me in the face.

After my World Series post the other day I did some further research on this whole Tiffany’s World Series charm business, and thanks to Pinterest found the 2010 and 2012 charms. I checked Tiffany’s just now and the newest one isn’t out yet. But I’d probably consider getting it for myself when it is.

Enjoy some Tiffany’s charms and then game day pics of my dad and me. It gives new meaning to “throwback Thursday”.

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Even my dogs are fans.

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My dad’s like “I’ll smile, but there’s a game going on, you know.”

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I think this is opening day 2013. Yep, my dad tucked that doofy flag in his shirt collar. He had kind of a silly side to him once in a while.

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I have no explanation as to why all my selfies mirror image themselves on my iPad. But this was from Metallica night! We both look tired…from rocking out so hard.

IMG_2930.JPG The irony that our last game together was an A’s game. SMH. I just noticed the guy sitting behind me is totally peering over my head.

Ghost dad LOL

Alanna from White Girls Be Like posted a challenge, a competition! She’s hosting a Funny Blog Friday which sounds pretty alright. Since I’m competitive, and I like to think I’m funny despite my total inability to remember punchlines, I raised my hand.

But then I started re-reading my blogs. Turns out grief, bracelets, and infertility don’t make for a rollicking good time. So here’s a collection of my worst, darkest, least funny, most painful, absolutely terrible thoughts recently. Let me welcome you to rock bottom.

-If my dad were still alive we’d probably go to the baseball game tonight.
-My dad was the only person to ask me how my day went.
-It’s getting darker earlier and soon I’ll be walking home from work in the dark. Because my dad used to be my ride home and now he is dead. And nobody asks me how my day went anymore.
-How many rounds of IVF would it take to bankrupt my honey and me?
-If we do get pregnant, this kid will probably be an asshole because we’re over invested in the process.
-At the very least, he’ll have no toys. Because we spent all our money on making him.
-I don’t think my dogs like me as much as they used to and they’ll probably hate me if I get pregnant.
-Someday everybody I love will die, I think that’s how the lyrics go.
-If my husband and I both die with some frozen embryos still in the bank, will my brothers destroy the embryos? Even after all this hard work and money spent?
-What if my honey dies first?
-What if I die first with frozen embryos in the bank? Would my honey remarry?
-What kind of a woman would marry a widower who brings his own frozen embryos to the table?
-Obviously my destroyed frozen embryos and I must haunt my honey and his new wife if he decides to ditch the embryos.
-Will my dogs like my husband’s new wife better then me?
-Can I haunt them too?
-Will they even care?
-Dogs are probably only afraid of ghosts when the ghosts are haunting paper bags.
-When I’m not haunting my husband and his new wife, my afterlife will be spent haunting paper bags. Paper bags. While my husband and his new wife will be busy getting pregnant super easily.
-At least I’ll have my destroyed embryos to keep me company. And my dad. Who will definitely ask me how my day went.
-I’ll need to remember to update my dad on the whole paper bag situation.
-Maybe we can bring one to a ball game, depending on haunting policies.
-Or are there ghost leagues? I’d probably prefer those.

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LOL bangle by Archetrend is available for $9.50