1.14.15 boobs

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Thanks to Gawker.com I’ve looked at two sets of boobs today; Miley Cyrus and some German lady with crazy big bosoms. I don’t know about you other ladies out there who don’t often see boobs but for your own, but I’m always struck by how weird looking boobs are. Granted Miley Cyrus and this German lady are polar sides of the spectrum but both their boobs look so strange. And that Kim Kardashian photo shoot from last year? Her boobs looked weird too. I guess the entire point of my post today is that boobs are weird. How’s that for a thesis statement?

Have you seen any weird boobs today?

Today’s bangles: tortoise shell Goodwill find, Hermès Calèche, Swarovski Goodwill find, red Indian style Goodwill find, and all my lucky little figas charm bracelet.

1.6.14 de trop

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Today I am wearing a rather excessive amount of bangles, even by my standards. Maybe because I have a lot of work to do in the shop? Yesterday was my personal checklist day (everything completed woohoo) and today is the work checklist. Undoing Christmas is so sad, isn’t it?

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My instagram friends will recognize this pic. We took down our tree last night now I must dismantle the 4 trees in my store. How long do you keep yours up for?

Today’s bangles: black bakelite, Hermès Rose de Compas, multi color bakelite, blue beaded, petit pointe needlepoint bangle, swarovski bangle, red rhinestone bangle from India.

12.27.14 back from the dead

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Oh! Hey there! It’s been a while, right? December kills me every year. Those last 14 days leading up to Christmas is solely work and sleep, that’s it. I still have this weird hangover. But now it’s over and I’m wearing cozy pants! And a big sweater and my honey is making some coffee. But I have some crazy shit to tell you all.

First, some background. I started buying bracelets by the pound from Goodwill for the purpose of selling some jewelry at my shop (ok, really because I love bangles, duh, but selling is an added perk.) These Goodwill bracelet grab bags are a crap shoot. In one lot there were two pieces of Sterling Taxco stamped jewelry. But that kind of thing is balanced by a bunch of junk stuff I throw out, then there’s the in between fun and inexpensive costume jewelry. Each time I open my grabbag I’m hoping for Bakelite. Bakelite, for those who don’t know is a vintage type of resin/plastic jewelry that was very mod and popular in the 60s. The black rhinestone one on my wrist in the pic above is probably Bakelite.

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So when this 👆showed up I was stoked. I thought it might be Bakelite. But you know what? This is not Bakelite. Guess WTF this treasure is?!?

Fucking ivory.

Giant ass ivory bangle.

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My picture makes my arm look deformed long, but you get the idea. This is a huge bangle that was part of my $20 for 10 lbs of bangles. Now the question is, what do I do with my new albatross? It’s gorgeous, it’s valuable, it’s impossible to sell and maybe even illegal for me to try. It represents the needless slaughter of one of my favorite animals (elephant). I’ve never seen anything like it before.

Today’s bangles include two XMas presents- the yellow enamel bangle was from one of my brothers, and the Hermès Colliers de Chien is from my honey. I cried when I opened it, I assumed with my dad’s death that was the end of the line for my Hermès bangle collection. But my honey! I love him. The rest of the bangles are Goodwill, black rhinestone square Bakelite, a red jeweled Indian bangle, black needlepoint bangle, Swarovski crystal bangle.

12.18.14 fool’s gold

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Remember my love of Goodwill? If no, here is why- the middle wide ribbed cuff that I am wearing today. I bought it and it looked like this:

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Can you see that? Here’s the closeup:

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Hideous, right? Some numnuts splatter painted a cuff bracelet with ugly colors of acrylic paint. But, I’m proud to say, I saw the potential. The little chips showed something shine-y and for a few frantic moments I thought I’d found gold. GOLD! I freaked out, then soaked, scrubbed, and chipped at the paint. Despite the top photo with the jewelry cleaner this was mostly accomplished with my finger nails. I am a classy dame.

Alas, no gold. The easy test was holding a magnet up to it. Gold is not magnetic, brass and other metals are. But whatevs. Look how gorgeous it is, regardless of the material.

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Yay me!
Today’s bangles are: Astrologie from my honey, the Angela Cummings bangle that was a gift from my dad to my mom, my Goodwill find, and a silver Tiffany’s woven looking bracelet.

12.17.14 hair brained schemes

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This time of year whenever something goes missing I assume my honey took it for gift giving reasons. Like he needs to know the size of my shoe, or brand of makeup, or to engrave something for me. I believe this despite the fact that a. he has never done this before and b. the item missing may be a hairbrush. What could he possibly use my hairbrush for in gift giving terms? Hairbrush upgrade? I don’t think so. So the brutal truth is, I’ve lost my hairbrush. Which explains my hair today.

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Various emotional states call for special grooming rituals. If I’m extremely tired I paint on ridiculous levels of makeup. If feeling insecure? I wear A LOT of jewelry. Granted, I tend to wear a lot of jewelry for other reasons too, so you’ll never know if I’m feeling insecure or in a magpie mood.

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(Ack! My skin! *adds a face veil*)

“Before you leave the house, look in the mirror and remove one accessory.” Clearly I do not abide my Coco Chanel’s policy. I suspect I have the entire female population of Texas on my side for this one.

Today’s jewelry: Left hand: two Indian rhinestone bangles from my best friend, red Clic Clac a Pois, Tiffany’s braid from my dad, Goodwill rhinestone bow.
Right hand: Jawbone UP, my dad’s Baume & Mercier watch
Necklaces: Tiffany’s candy cane charm, I’m Your Present bow tie
Earrings: red gifts I’ve had since about 4th grade

Anybody seen my hairbrush?

12.15.14 coloring

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So today my mom was all “Enough with your seaweed hair!” And took me to get my hair done. It’s so lovely now, straight and clean. Wow! Who is this person? I asked my reflection. I last cut my hair maybe a year ago :/ I’m not the best at this whole adult-personal-maintenance deal.

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All the pretty combs in a row.

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Me and my fresh hair and a dog butt. Stinky stinky dog butt in my face. I feel so loved.

Today’s bracelets: Hermès Calèche red and green, my mom’s Route de Corse, my figa charm bracelet, and Claudia’s ID bracelet.

11.22.14 peevish

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Today I received a comment on one of my blog posts, a post that I’m particularly proud of because its subject is bleak and personal but I worked very hard to balance the dark hurt aspects with humor and light. Because everything has a humorous side. Don’t get me going on colon cancer. It’s a fucking laugh riot. See? That was funny because colon cancer is NOT a laugh riot, the punchline subverts my entire thesis statement. Humor, right? Hahaha. I’m fucked up, ok?

Anyway, the post I’m talking about is Ghost Dad LOL. I’ve really appreciated the various comments I have received on it. Up until today. Because today’s commenter, not someone with a WP blog, said “love stream of consciousness writing…no going back, editing”… WTF DUDE! Do you not realize HOW MUCH going back and editing I do on each and every post? Sure, sometimes grammar errors slip thru, sometimes that grammar error is intentional, sometimes I misspell something and don’t catch it but NEVER NOT EVER have I posted a stream of consciousness post. Maybe in a comment once or twice. Sort of?

I completely acknowledge that I am twisting my own panties in a bunch with very little cause. Fine, the commenter attempted a compliment. Maybe he doesn’t know what stream of consciousness is?

If that’s the case, here’s stream of consciousness:
Typing odn an ipad sucks and my fingers move too slow. I hate this song right now, shoudlnt have eaten that whole oanini. Greta more typos. Fat fingers. Cokd table. wtf.

👆That’s a pretty garbage blog post, right? Say what you like about my writing, but don’t ever say that I don’t go back and edit. That is the realm where I am KING.

Today’s bangles are: flacons de parfum, rouge Calèche, silver Taxco bangle, skinny silver Tiffany’s bangle, and wide Tiffany’s bangle from Christmas 1994.

Now ask me my opinion on starting a blog post with “I”; this rant train is the express and we are making no stops today.

11.30.14 just can’t get enough

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Hey guys, is this enough bracelets for a person to wear?

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How about this? Is this enough? Just let me know when I cross that threshold of “reasonable quantities of bangles” and enter into “obscene quantities of bangles”, okay?

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Are we there yet? Let me ask you this, at what point would this no longer be considered bangles but a metal sleeve?

Today’s bangles: 4 brass garage sale bangles, Hemrès Astrologie from my honey, 3 gold color cheapo bangles I was wearing during my accident, brass cameo cuff, oneida spoon cuff engraved with the letter L, Hermès cream Clous bangle, flag charm bracelet, sterling ID bracelet engraved with Claudia, giant M brass cuff that I paid too much money for from Goodwill because I love my own initials. Claudia’s got nothing on me!

11.11.14 sunny San Fra-no-freezie

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It’s totally not freezie today, or at all, or maybe ever again even. SF is never cold enough to snow, but it does get charmingly brisk this time of year. USUALLY. But I don’t know, this drought and warm spell? It continues to stretch out before us now, making most SFers grouchy. It leaves my bedroom uncomfortably warm at night! Nobody knows how to deal with this! We aren’t equipped for warm weather. Should I wear sandals? Or will I get cold by the end of the day? I just don’t know!

Today’s bangles are: brass bow bracelet, silver bangle, Guadalquivir bangle by Hermès, seashell charm bracelet, Tiffany’s silver latch bangle, and my extra special Crazy Loom bracelet from my niece.