whyZombie?

First of all… Hi! How are you guys? I’m downright bumptastic but finally feeling like a normal human being again. My art show went really well. A couple of sales, great networking and exposure. Altogether an excellent experience.
Margaret Timbrell combo shot

Anyway, now, being a functioning human again without a major deadline looming over my head, I can focus on the important stuff. TEEVEEEEEE and jewelry, right? My new favorite zombie show (because the only shows truly worth watching are zombie shows, right?) is iZombie on the CW. Anybody else watching?

TATTY DEVINE Sugar skull necklace

 

 

 

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Sunday Night Zombies

Dogeared Gold-Dipped Sugar Skull Necklace

The Walking Dead: I wish I could quit you!!!

Actually, I don’t wish that at all. Last week’s episode was brutal but here I am, anxiously awaiting another hour in the Georgian Zombie Apocalypse. Though maybe they aren’t in Georgia anymore? My geography is horrible. Anything I write will just insult any Southern Readers and maybe the mid-Westerners too. See?? It’s horrible.

Alexander McQueen Three Buckle Double Wrap Bracelet


Who else is watching tonight? Who’s going to die and tear our hearts out??? Anybody got some guesses but not spoilers? I hope the preacher finally meets his maker.

Me Me Me ME!

#16 VERY GIFTED : GIFT IDEAS

The Grand Finale
Gift ideas for:
*my doppelganger

Something that I’ve realized lately, thru the world of WordPress, is that we all have very unique tastes. Duh, you all say. I CAN HEAR YOU!!! So shhhhh. Stop drinking that hot toddy, Margaret, you add. And I make a lip zipping motion in reply. I think I’m catching a cold you guys! Which is not acceptable. First of all, I don’t get sick. Second of all, I have nothing but work here on out until that fat guy wiggles down all of your chimneys. So I can’t afford to be sick. Like literally. If I want to pay my mortgage I cannot be sick this XMas season.

BACK ON TOPIC! Unique tastes abound. It’s fascinating. I feel like I’m peeping into your lives and learning about the world. (Too much hot toddy yet?)

Uhhhhhh what?

This is my last Christmas gift idea list, you all are special snowflakes, but we have some crossover interests folks. So this is the gift list for my doppelganger slash the crossover interests with you all.

What are our crossover interests? You and me in our special relationship called WordPress? Crafts. Pop Culture. Fashion. IVF. Poetry. Art. Humor. And the Walking Dead. Sounds about right, right? Oh wait. Let’s add in cute animals.

So first gift idea of the night, in reverse order. CUTE ANIMALS. For all you who love cute animals. You know, I am almost buzzed enough to write all y’all. I’m so ashamed.
Rhino
Do you guys even realize how cute baby rhinos are? It’s ridonkulous. After watching Nat Geo for three hours, I totally want this rhino ring.

Now the Walking Dead? I’ve got to nod to my favs Sup Darling, Dora da bomb (oh yeah I AM that 90s), and Susan tho all these ladies also cross into the pop culture list.
mcqueen
Nobody does skulls like Steve McQueen.

How do you figure out humor in jewelry? Should I be looking for a punch line charm? Want to hear (or read) the joke I wrote the other day? What do you call it when Emilia snow plows the street? A Toes Drift. You would be cracking up like crazy if you knew who Emilia is.
Necklace
All I know is you search “joke” on Luis Via Roma and you find this necklace. HA HA HA. This necklace is so funny, amirite?

For the art and poetry themes and some of the best reading ever I am channeling Andre, Susan Elizabeth, and Spanish Woods all who have themes of surroundings and environment running thru their works.
seedlings
I don’t know, but these seedlings by Anita Van Doorn seem relevent.

Oh, where was I? Fashion, IVF, pop culture? Isn’t that the definition of ‘jewelry’? Sometimes I feel deep. Like super deep. What is the meaning of fashion, IVF, pop culture? I think we can hit that trifecta with a little Aliens jewelry.
Aliens embryo necklace
BOOM! Aliens embryo necklace DOOD. I wish it were Predator embryo. I like Predator so much more than Aliens.

I don’t even know what is left in my themes. It’s late. The gift ideas have fled. I sit here at my WordPress Dashboard drinking my toddy and not watching Californication. I’d like to wish you a happy holiday and for you to know how much I have enjoyed reading everybody’s writings. All y’all are fascinating. And I have appreciated the various comments and likes on my silly little blog these past couple of months. You don’t even know how much it has meant to me. BIG SLOPPY REINDEER KISSES FROM ME TO YOU!

xoxoxox Margaret

Oh and it’s not tooo late to buy something from my real life store, Bath Sense.

How you like dem Apples???

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This post is for Jenny at She Loves Dresses because she loves food jewelry! If you too love cute food jewelry, Jenny, besides blogging about wonderful vintage dresses, sells some cute food jewelry at She Loves Cute Stuff (shout out, woot woot!)

Today is the day that I do something with my collection of slowly rotting apples. I have mentioned before my cooking skills. As in, they are not an inherent skill set of mine but something I have learned through practice and following recipes closely. These apples have been bugging me, like quite literally, because of all the fruit flies. So I figured I’d do something with them. Welcome to my little apple butter cooking lesson AKA how Margaret fuck’s up that which she’s attempting to cook.

Step one, find a recipe! No problem, thanks to my wonderful Fannie Farmer

Step two, realize that you do not have most of the necessary ingredients and the quantity of apples? Significantly less than 5 lbs.

Step three, proceed disregarding these shortcomings.

Step four, dice apples, put them on the stove to cook and commence research on apple jewelry.

Can I show you these apple jewelries? OMG. REAL FRUIT jewelry by, what else, Real Fruit Jewelry. The apple is kind of boring, but their kiwis? Pretty cool. I think they are dipped in resin to preserve them.
apple necklace

Or the bracelet apple? Made of unknown materials by Inekeotte Jewelry, seems like it’d be a bit awkward to wear and do basic stuff like reach into your purse. But whatever! It’s creative, right?
apple bracelet

Step five, notice the pot is clanking a lot. Return to stove top and add various ingredients the recipe both does and does not call for.

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Step six, ignore instructions to stir constantly to avoid burning and return to the internets. Read Dora’s The Walking Dead post. Uhhh what the fuck machines are they unplugging on TWD? With my first hand “being run over by a truck” experience I can tell you that there aren’t any life maintaining machines for you to be plugged into. Chest tubes have been around since WWII, they’re just tubes shoved into your pleural cavity that drain blood into buckets. BUCKETS. That’s not exactly sophisticated machinery.

The other machines I was connected to were: heart monitor, morphine drip, and oxygen tank. But it’s not like I would have died if these were “unplugged”. So whatevs. NO SPOILERS, I am not concerned as to the outcome of the character being “unplugged.” I mean, unless there’s brain damage and *character* can’t breathe on their own? But then they are fucked regardless because brain trauma = no bueno in zombie apocalypse.

Ehhh… Where was I?

Step seven, improvise MORE. Add tapioca flour (to make it stickier) and frozen blueberries (because why the hell not?). Notice apple butter is turning a bloody color. Add lemon juice. AND WINE. Again, why not?

Step eight, realize wine was a mistake. ADD BRANDY to counter act the wine. Because brandy is the opposite of wine, right? It’s simple math, folks. Close and put away cookbook because we are riding far off trail now.

Step nine, start looking for wine jewelry on some popular wine websites. Bemoan the fact that you can purchase a copy of To Kill A Mockingbird on the Coppola Vineyards site but not bracelets only to realize it’s Tequila Mockingbird, a cookbook? Then bemoan the downfall of Western Literature. Finally find cork bracelets (close, right?) but… ehhhh… no. This is not up my alley.
cork bracelet

Step ten, finally finish cooking and arrange a pretty “apple “butter photo.

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Remember that which doesn’t kill you makes you stronger… Bon appétit!

The Walking Dora

The other day I asked Dora about her second favorite TV show because her first favorite is The Walking Dead, and I’ve already sought out zombie jewelry about twelve times now. Here I found the disappointing branded Walking Dead store, here I covered all things zombie and here I took down the MAN in my TWD, Sex Ed Fail post.

Maybe we can admit two things straight off the bat. First, I am prone to exaggeration. Second, I’ve probably beaten the zombie bracelet theme to death. Unfortunately for you all, it then rose from the dead and bit me ONE MORE TIME. Because, guess what? Dora and I both love TWD that much! I’m throwing Sup Darling under the wheels of the zombie bus as well. How’s that for human remains in the exhaust pipe, huh? Whatchu got to say about that?!

First up, what the fresh noise is this thing that Rick’s holding??
Ring
I found it on the Craufthaus website, made by a Rebecca Rose. I don’t know about you, but to me this looks an awful lot like a Walking Dead scene atop a ring. Which is kind of awesome.

BLoody Charms
Now, I’ve showcased some zombie charm bracelets before but this one is different in that it is significantly bloodier. MM hmm blood. Made by Antonis Art Asylum on Etsy. Talk about dedication to authenticity! But wait.. shouldn’t these tools be covered in blackish green blood if they were used on the zombies… um?? Are these tools from the Governor’s toolbox? :/ Ahem. Moving onwards!

five gold skulls
I want a five gold skull trophy bracelet! Emphasis on ‘skull trophy’ not ‘trophy bracelet’. I guess technically, this is a necklace but I’m sure we can contact Starta, the designer, maybe he would hook a fellow zombiephile up? He should for the amount of money these gold skulls cost. I’d like to point out his TWD necklace is on display right next to his cuddly teddy bear charm necklace. Watch your back, Teddy. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

skull cuff
OMG even Polyvore is getting in on the zombie hookups. This skulls and skins brings a little bit of skull to that classy bracelet collection of yours. Or mine.

There you have it, there is no bottom to the zombie/jewelry pit. Please enjoy the view of all the skulls while we free fall thru this together. Just a quick aside: I’m writing this while listening to some MJ, and I just realized Man in the Mirror is the Governor’s jam. Make that change. Or not. Shamo.

Med Alert!

Last night’s episode of The Walking Dead started me thinking about a number of things.

First of all, how do you talk about a show without talking about a show? It’s tricky, isn’t it? Especially something like The Walking Dead where you don’t want to spoil anything for those who watch it on delay. My answer is this: talk about the show without talking about the plot.

For TWD there are so many hypotheticals. It’s easy to transition the conversation from when character X did this specific thing to if you were in the zombie apocalypse, would you grow tomatoes or squash? Squash is the correct answer because it grows like a mo fo. And needs less maintenance then tomatoes. It’s basically an edible weed. I know because I signed up for a CSA and I almost always received squash in my box. Getting some tomatoes was like hitting the jackpot, but you’ve got to eat them quickly before they rot. Squash tho? It can even double as a weapon.

You can also bring up the guest actors in the show, because usually that’s not a spoil. Last night’s episode was just a showcase of “Oh hey, isn’t that… from that other show?” I’m looking at you, kid from Everybody Hates Chris and co-star lady from Hello Ladies. I think she was also in a Metamucil commercial that aired during last night’s TWD episode. Fiber is always important, but if you are eating your squash you should be good without the additional supplements.

Now here’s the tricky part of talking about a show and keeping it spoiler free. Setting. Is it fair game or no? I kind of think everybody knew leading up to last night’s episode that Beth woke up in a hospital. But, if you are two weeks behind in watching maybe you didn’t. So I’m sorry if bringing up the hospital setting is a spoiler.

The hospital is very interesting to me. I’ve been hospitalized for a long stretch of time, I’m fascinated by all things medical. I might be a bit of a medical groupie even. Plus I’m going thru this IVF- look at all my drugs and vitamins!

IMG_2946.JPG You know those pictures on Instagram where people layout a bunch of bills and sometimes guns and weed. Like they are ballers, but really they’re just dumb schmucks who’ve cashed out $200 in singles? Well this picture is the IVF equivalent. I could probably save some money by developing a heavy cocaine habit and giving up on this folly known as reproduction.

Back on topic, though. For a bracelet related tie-in? Hospital is where it’s at.

For ages now I’ve had “fancy med alert bracelet” on my gift idea list for my brother, Newt. That is not his birth name, BTW. I should mention that he’s a grown ass man, but he is still Newt to me. So Newt is severely allergic to peanuts and I think a nice, masculine med alert bracelet would be both practical and thoughtful. But the right one is hard to find.

For a man, it’s got be classic and simple. I like this one from American Medical.

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I’m curious if this design is too subtle for the on the scene responders. I think they check for this kind of thing, but in the heat of the moment, does this style ever get mistaken for a regular bracelet?

This one stands out, with the red stamp and the watch like chain. You can even store your medical information on a little chip thingy. Which is hypothetically useful, but what EMT travels around with a micro chip reader? I think you should engrave contact info and the most important medical details on the bracelet. Save the “I sprained my knee in 6th grade PE” part of your medical history for the chip.

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Emergency contact phone number is crucial, you guys. I remember lying in the middle of Market Street, the sky was very blue, people asking me for a phone number, who they should call. I couldn’t remember, nothing came to me. And then I pulled 393-7626 out of some pocket of my mind, but it was my dad’s work number from when I was a little girl. Not at all current. Eventually, it all got figured out. This part I don’t remember.

But if numbers are on your wrist, your family finds out that much quicker that there is an emergency situation. Your emergency responders know if there’s a heart condition, or special medication or anything that might effect the outcome of their treatment. I should probably pull the trigger already on one of these bracelets for my brother.

Prepare for the worst, hope for the best! I think that also applies to zombie apocalypse. So hey, go ahead and grow both the tomatoes and the squash.

When bracelets stop being polite and start getting real…

Lame. Real lame.

Guys? I feel like I really need to address something pretty effing disturbing. The Walking Dead online shop offers just one dinky little Livestrong type bracelet.

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I’m, um, well, I’m bothered.

*clears throat*

This just seems like something the Walking Dead crew pussed out on. I might even go so far to say that as fan, I’m insulted by this bracelet. Insulted by crappy $6.99 rubber bracelets! And it’s out of stock. Which I just don’t understand because I’m certain the manufacturer defaults LITERALLY to quantities of ten thousand. So they’ve already sold at least ten thousand units of crappy bands? Who is buying that shit?

There’s probably a floating trash heap in the Atlantic the size of Georgia made up exclusively of Livestrong bracelets. Why’s TWD getting in on that pollution? The Livestrong bracelets are basically the zombies of the bracelet world. Imagine, that pollution herd of stupid, highly contagious bracelets that eat away at your pocketbook. Before you know it your arm is swarmed with colors: yellow Livestrong, pink Breast Cancer Awareness, red Micah’s Bar Mitzvah, black Free Car Wash Giveaway. White The Walking Dead.

*hangs head*

Save yourself. Whatever you do, don’t let this bracelet latch onto your wrist. And come on, The Walking Dead, I hold you to a higher standard.

P.S. My honey gave me the side eyes for using the term “pussed out” so I apologize for using strong language but sometimes it’s the best way to communicate an emotion.

Zombie zombie

Why Zombies, why now?  I want to know.  Because I’m obsessed, and I think many people are too.  I read somewhere that the proliferation of alien and UFO themed movies and shows from the 1960’s developed from our fear of the cold war.  In this way, the threat of an atomic winter translated to a cultural preponderance of little green men.

I believe this. I think we act out through art and culture so as to better understand the world around us.  Which leads me to zombies… what is it that we are responding to now? For example, Zombie by Fela Kuti was a political criticism of the Nigerian government.  But what about our zombies? What does the zombie apocalypse examine for us?
IMG_2600.JPG zombie bracelet by nitebyrd

To the question: I don’t know. I can relate to the examination of the world through zombies but on a very small personal level. I want my dead loved ones to come back to me. Every day I’m dealing with the grief from the loss of my dad, knowing I would want him back no matter what. I could easily be the Governor caring for Penny. I’d wear this eye patch from GothFoxDesigns on Etsy. (Be careful, the link is SFW but don’t click on the other images.) However, my zombie love predates this awful period of my life.

If I were in school still, I’d sign up for Zombies and the American Culture 101.  Is it our baby boomers coming to terms with mortality? Is it a means to question ourselves, in this very comfortable world where survival skills are no longer necessary? You see the signs of our spoiled comforts everywhere, like this bone bracelet from VMT Los Angeles, though lovely, is a jaw dropping $2175 IMG_2599.JPG I looked at it and thought “Are you kidding me? But it is attractive… and if money were no object I would buy it myself.”

Do zombies tap into that same vein as the Tuff Mudders, the Ultra-marathons and the Survival Man TV shows? Are we as a culture searching to prove ourselves on a very fundamental level?

What do you think? Do you zombie? How would you survive? I’d probably put my knitting skills to use and barter warm sweaters for food. Also, I throw a good punch. And what do you think of Z nation, you watch it yet?

Sex Ed Fail, now with more bangles!

The Walking Dead Edition

The Walking Dead is one of my favorite shows. So much so that I’ve picked up the books AND the graphic novels that inspired these $37.19 resin bangles by Nerd Mart Customs on Etsy

IMG_2508.PNG *sigh* Laurie, SMH.

Anyway, I found myself reading The Fall of the Governor. For the most part a good read BUT apparently nobody raised a red flag on the making the babies misinformation therein. Did they really NOT have any woman, or any person familiar with basic human biology, proofread? Without spoiling anything, here is the scoop: female character has unprotected sex and seven days later is pee-on-a-stick pregnant. That just fails on so many levels.

As most women of the ‘trying to get knocked up age’ know, over the counter pregnancy tests read hormone levels after a missed period. The menstrual cycle is approximately 28 days. The window of ovulation (a requisite for getting pregnant) falls centrally in the menstrual cycle, typically day 14 out of 28 days. So to become pregnant, unprotected sex occurs day 14, seven days later is still only day 21. Pee-on-a-stick pregnant is just not possible. Or the reverse, day 29 is first day of missed period resulting in a positive pregnancy test, but the character’s unprotected sex occurred 7 days earlier puting the sex at day 22 of her cycle, also known as over a week too late for ovulation.

My other grievances? The character supposedly “feels” kind of pregnant… 7 days after unprotected sex! Bitch, you’re not pregnant, that’s called indigestion.

Then there’s the fact that it takes a varying number of days (7 to 10 days) after sex for the fertilized egg to even implant in the uterus. So it’s possible that 7 days after successful unprotected ovulation day sex she wouldn’t even technically *be* pregnant yet, not to mention pee-on-a-stick levels of pregnancy.

So, Robert Kirkman and Jay Bonansinga, get it together! I will accept this $23 zombie apocalypse charm bracelet by Allstrungout1 on Etsy in apology.

IMG_2511.PNG If you really want to grovel, I wouldn’t turn up my nose to adding this $20 Zombie cuff by Peyton’s Treasures on Etsy

IMG_2512.PNG But this? The $7 positive pregnancy text necklace by Nothingbutamother

IMG_2513.PNG I think you should send this to Robert Kirkman.